Why you can't actually lose

Yo!

With this article, I’m sharing a nice little concept about:

1. Winning vs Losing

2. Why Failure is Important

3. What Actions to Take After

Participation trophies aside, I think it’s important to note, that with every setback, dip, or bump in the road, you should learn something. That’s why it’s okay to lose. That’s why losing is actually winning. Do you have big losses sometimes? Some that are irreplaceable? Absolutely.

Photo Credit: Max Bender

After you accept defeat, that small win lies in how you grow from your experience. Story time:

I used to be pretty good at soccer. Now I’m washed up. But anyway, in high school I played for Maple Hill High School and we are very prolific in the sport of soccer in NYS. Many state titles and perennial Sectional Title winners in NY.

My senior year I captained a really good team that ended up going to the state championships. For much of the last half of the season we were ranked number one in the state for our class, and were having a dream season.

In the state Semi-Final, we played a team that was just as good as us, and on that day, they were better. We played through two overtime periods and eventually they broke through and scored the game winner late in the second period of OT. Game over.

Now, as crushing as that is, and was for myself and many of my teammates, I was comfortable with losing that day. We as a team battled hard and left it on the field. We had many chances that didn’t make it in the goal, and unfortunately it wasn’t our day.

As you may realize, life is not all sunshine, rainbows, and pots of gold. That’s what I learned that day. You can expect- but you aren’t entitled to victory. Sometimes, through all the bumps, bruises, and undying efforts you make towards your goals, it may not be enough.

That’s one day though. One lesson learned. My team lost that day, but did I really lose?

I’m using this to frame an experience in a different perspective. That’s all setbacks are. They are an unforeseen opportunity to learn, grow, and conquer. If we don’t take failure as this growth opportunity, it will be passed over. If you think back to your most difficult moments in life, I’m sure there are many that will strike you as really profound learning experiences. Their shaping ability cannot be understated.

Additionally, with health in mind, every day is a new opportunity to start over and apply new knowledge. For every goal you set, whether it’s to lose 35 pounds or learning how to barbell squat, your “failures” help lead you there.

Photo Credit: Anne Preble

Reflect, briefly.

Try to take out one lesson from each situation, and capitalize on that moving forward. Let's take the example of running a half marathon. You felt awful. No gas in the tank. Well, looking back at it you realize you didn't do a great job fueling or hydrating through the race. Not a huge deal now, but next race, pay attention to race day nutrition. Although you make want to dig a little deeper and over analyze, just find one thing to get better at. 

Move on, quickly.

Please do not dwell on the past. It will only lead to inaction, and that won't get you to your goals. In my book (click here), I reference a Kobe Bryant quote, where he says, "Everything negative; pressure, challenges, is all an opportunity to rise." (Kobe is the man.)

You cannot wallow in self pity for very long. Dust yourself off and view is as an opportunity, not a loss. This morning I burnt my sweet potatoes on the skillet- because I was trying to write this and cook breakfast at the same time. Oops. I still ate them, and next time, I'll have to keep the laptop out of the kitchen. 

Execute, often.

When we fail, we learn. From here, make sure to apply your knowledge. The only way we actually lose, is when we keep repeating the same pattern expecting different results. Knowledge will get you halfway there, but application is what gets you the win. Understand that there really are no failures or losses, only new chances to succeed and grow.

Best,

Ryan

The "Right Way" and Finding Flow

This time of year, you will see a huge upswing in the amount of interest in fitness, nutrition, and health related content. That’s cool, because people want to help you lose weight, get strong, and crush it this year. I think that’s awesome.

However, there is another side to the coin. With all of this content coming out, sometimes it comes off very black and white, meaning that if you do one thing, you aren’t allowed to do another. I think that’s BS. There’s aren’t any rules to this stuff. Maybe the one rule is, if it hurts, you probably should not do it. Half the fun is experimenting and learning what works best for yourself.

I just finished a fantastic book called “Drive,” by Daniel H. Pink. In it, he argues the need for a state of ‘flow” that allows us to lose ourselves in what we do. Whether in business, play, or exercise, this concept is valid on many levels. It keeps our minds engaged and allows us to keep what we enjoy, part of how we live. That is a crucial component of exercising and nutritional guidelines, and the same reason I tell people to:

Avoid doing things they hate.

Experiment with new activities of interest.

Keep doing stuff you love.

The state of flow is one in which you are able to tune out external influence and focus solely on the task at hand. It allows you to be completely invested in a rewarding, enjoyable experience for yourself. It is also something that is elusive, yet you know it when you’re in it.

Sometimes I get into a flow state when I’m writing, exercising, or coaching. Those are where I find myself in my flow state the most. When do you find yourself in your own?

This is important because of the natural way we are wired. It helps you create drive for yourself in a way that comes easy, and that helps relax us. Forcing other tasks and other routines on yourself that you dislike will only lead to stress, low ambition, and complacency.

As the title indicates, there is a “right way” to attack your health goals. The answer to that is solely up to you. There are will be internet guru’s and other people who will try and help you like me, but at the end of the day you have to do what feels good to you. We as fitness professionals can guide you to make solid nutritional decisions, teach you how to lift weights, and give you the accountability you may need to get to the gym. But, all of that will be hard to replicate on your own if you don’t truly tap into what makes you tick.

With that said, here are some key ways you can find your own state of flow on a daily basis.

Breathe.

Every now and again, when you feel overwhelmed, take a long breath and exhale slowly. It will recenter you and allow you to relax. So much of what we do is fast (I’m the slowest human ever), demanding, and stressful. Just take a second and get it together when you feel like you need to.

Put the phone away.

Seriously. I’m victim of this. We all are at some point. It’s very hard to be focused on something if you are constantly checking stuff on your device all the time. A bad habit I got into was allowing my phone to be part of my workouts. I used to need it to read my training program, but then I would find myself checking social accounts, distracted, and ultimately not getting in a good session. Obviously, I try to avoid that now and am very conscious of it. 

In this instance, try to refrain from having your phone out when your attention is required. You will be more productive and ultimately get more out of whatever you’re doing.

Sleep smarter.

Again, to find flow you need to set the groundwork for it. That starts with solid sleep, to make sure your brain recovers each day. It has to process information at an almost unrealistic level, and sleep is where you are able to shake the etch-a-sketch. So, put the phone away before bed, get a night time routine, and avoid alcohol a couple hours before bed.

This is also something you’ll need to explore a bit. Everyone has different triggers that don’t allow good sleep, so be mindful of ones for yourself. The general recommendation is 7-8 hours of restful sleep, but again, some people need more and some people need less. It just depends on your current situation.

Schedule in mandatory “You” time.

Whatever it is you like to do, you should do that. Daily. I think this is vital to finding clarity and reaching for your goals. Whether that is meditation, or lifting, or running, the more you create opportunity for flow the more you will be able to find it.

I think it sucks when I can’t get my workout in. But that’s my fault. I always look at my calendar and make sure I have a block of time to get it in, even if it’s a 15 minute express. Sometimes life gets in the way of your intentions for the day, but that is the nature of time. There only is 24 hours in the day, and sometimes it doesn’t happen. But, scheduling and creating routine can help get you there.

Enjoy small moments.

The other day I was walking around Portsmouth, it was late at night. Cold and harsh. I was headed toward a friend’s house going past Prescott Park and noticed the moon hovering above me. Bright, glowing, and shining through some clouds. It was a moment.

I took a second. I stopped and just looked. To be present. Shit, it was beautiful.

I live for moments like that. When you find yourself there, take a second look. Embrace it. It will connect you to the world around you and bring your mind back to center.

The right way to build growth for yourself is on your own terms, with your own goals, and your own inspirations. There will always be distractions and people telling you how you should do things, but listen to your intuition and ignore them if you have to. That’s where flow comes into play. Do the things that make you happy, and you’ll be set.